when yr hungry af

George Szell

"I SHALL NOT BE EXPOSED ANY FURTHER TO NAUSEA"

In which George Szell conducts classical music and is generally ill-tempered.

"tendency toward cruel practical jokes and gluttony" 

Jurassic Technology

The World Is Bound By Secret Knots

best parts?

Mice on toast
Mysterious and threatening atmosphere, punctuated by a tea room
Un Semaine De Bonte (Drawings of people drowning in bedrooms surrounded by humanoid birds)
Trailer migrations
Marble bust of Napoleon, near a piano
What do marriage and a beehive have in common? Lots.

Museum of Jurassic Technology

Two Biopics That Absolutely MUST Be Made

Ok, so both William Cals have been talking, and we have decided that these two men should have biopics made about them:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fouche  I'm thinking maybe John Malkovich in the main role. Directed by Stanley Kubrick (RIP Stanley Kubrick).

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Herschel_Grünspan Played by Ryder Strong, Joseph Gordon-Levitt, or Leonardo DiCaprio. Directed by Sam Mendes or the Coen brothers.

A book William Cals love: The Lost City of Z

The Lost City of Z. This book is one thing that has it all--great adventure, a lost civilization, an explorer armed with little more than a compass and a machete, the age of exploration at the turn of the century--all things William Cals love. This is the real life story of Victorian explorer Percy Fawcett, a member of the Royal Geographical Society and a major celebrity in his own time. Fawcett and his companions routinely faced starvation, bloodthirsty indigenous tribes, horrific insect infestations, lethal tropical diseases, deadly white-water rapids, poisonous snakes, anacondas, piranha, and other terrifying creatures. His descent into the "green hell" ends in his disappearance. For years, people expected Fawcett to come staggering out of the jungle, armed with proof that a great civilization once flourished along the Amazon. David Grann, a staff writer for The New Yorker, sets out on a quest to discover the truth about the lost city of Z and what exactly happened to Fawcett. The results are astounding.

http://www.harkavagrant.com/index.php?id=315

Kirsten Dunst and Jamie Dornan? Together? In the 18th century? In powdered wigs (well almost)? Count me in. In fact, care to make a William Cal sandwich?

And now, the moment we've all been waiting for!

It's happening too much these days, and I'm tired of it.

Far too many people are asking, "Why isn't there a list of the 42 goofiest place names in Texas, organized by theme?" Fret not, masses: your day has come!

In today's hard-paced, fast-wired modern society world, cliches travel faster than a jackrabbit with a jetpack. Your grandmother already knows that China, Paris, Reno, Odessa, and Portland... are all towns in Texas. But "places that aren't in Texas, but actually also are" is the oldest theme around. So, without further adieu, here they are. WARNING: Some towns may be unsuitable for younger readers to learn about and/or visit.

NONSENSE:

Arp

Ding Dong

Dilley

Poteet

AFTERLIFE:

Elysian Fields
Utopia

Paradise

Heckville

POOP:

Chocolate Bayou

Coffee City

Cistern

The Tachanka: A Thing William Cals Love

A Ukrainian horse-drawn machine gun that can only fire backwards as one retreats. Rumor has it that the Tachanka was invented by Nestor Makhno, a kind of Ukrainian Che Guevara. This one  says, "Death to the black robber baron Vrangel!"
(source: Wikipedia)

Woody Guthrie fact o' the Month, and some other stuff!

Congratulations, to us. We have finally received a Comment. In thanks, here is our Woody Guthrie Fact of the MONTH: (okay, here it is)
Woodrow "Woody" Guthrie was named after Woodrow Wilson, the 28th President of the U.S. of A.

A Richard Marx mystery unravels after the jump...

Top 5 Bands of the 1990s, Alternate Universe Style

1. Sterno for Pyros

2. Red Hot Chipotle Peppers 

3. Stone Temple Persons

4. Jane's Conniption 

5. Mustachioed Bumpkins

Woody Guthrie fact of the WEEK

Yesterday, deposed Ohio governor Ted Strickland quoted Woody Guthrie in his concession speech in Columbus.

90s Videos of Dead Ladies in the Water: Happy Halloween

The 1990s was a scary decade. Marilyn Manson personally killed several people at his concerts.¹ The deadliest job was "attractive young rock star," and the second deadliest was "attractive young actor." With the American homicide rate reaching 9.8 per 100,000 people², the third deadliest job was "citizen of the USA." The AIDS epidemic, shrinking rainforest, Rodney King riots, ebola, and America On-Line showed us that, even though the Russians weren't going to vaporize us, the world was closing in around our throats. Sex, violence, jealousy and revenge were the order of the day, as evidenced by OJ Simpson, Lorena Bobbitt, Tanya Harding, and Amy Fisher. We didn't start the fire.

So, how did our pop culture reflect this? By creating rock videos about dead ladies in the water. Beginning with Tom Petty and "Mary Jane's Last Dance," we have the 5 best watery dead ladies of 1990s rock videos, after the jump.

Woody Guthrie fact of the DAY

Woody Guthrie was investigated as a suspect in the murder of the Black Dahlia. He didn't do it!<sup>1

1</sup>Cray, Ed. Ramblin' Man: The Life and Times of Woody Guthrie. New York, W.W. Norton & Company Inc., 2004. (330-331)

What's Hot List, 2010

Out: Pirates
So 5 Minutes Ago: Ninjas
In: Cossacks

Out: Vampires
5: Zombies
In: The Wendigo¹

Out: Sputnik
5: NASA
In: Filmmaker Luke Geissbuhler and his son, a weather balloon, and a Go Pro Hero camera

Out: Baggy jeans
5: Skinny Jeans
In: Velvet breeches

Out: Threatening rap
5: Nonthreatening rap
In: Hyper-nonthreatening, Euro-techno rap. (Thank you, Usher.)

Out: Print
5: Web 2.0
In: Virtual Reality, again, like in the 1990s! I predict its triumphant return.

Out: Computer viruses
5: Viral marketing
Always In: The Human Papillomavirus, which affects an estimated 80% of sexually active people in the US.

1 For more reading on Wendigos and their recent prominence, read this gruesome 2008 article and never sleep again.

The Aeolipile: The Epitome of All Stuff

Created around 50 CE, this device was a hollow ball that spewed steam and, hence, rotated. The Aeolipile has two things going for it.

I. History.
At the time, it was seen as "little more than a diversion." Like those clacking metal ball toys that bosses have on their desks.

It turns out it was not just a precursor to the thing I stare at while getting fired. Now, science regards the Aeolipile as the first steam engine. That's pretty good for a thing that did nothing.

A slightly adapted version of the aeolipile was used to open the doors of a temple. 1st century Alexandria was not the only time an automatic door has had grave implications for the human soul. Think of Bart Simpson, newly soulless, suddenly unable to trigger the automatic door of the Kwik-E-Mart.

II. The delicious name.
Aioli, also known as "rich man's mayo," is finally getting its due everywhere, from bistros to patisseries.
The Aeolipile takes its place among various bean melts, lard piles, cheese hills, lipid mountains, pie precipices, butter mesas, and bacon ranges.

If I could have a true aioli pile, I would have two things: gout, and happiness.

III. Conclusion.
The aeolipile combines two things William Cals love: astounding inventions from the ancient world, and melty lard heaps.

Author's note: The next recorded steam engine was created in 1551, by Taqi al-Din, and was used for... you guessed it! Roasting meat on a spit!

Until the Industrial Revolution, steam engines had existed for nearly two millennia, and their only uses were, in chronological order: nothing, and grilling out.

Image source: Hero's Pneumatica, c. 1st century AD.